Epilogue.

Dear Not So New Husband,

Our wedding anniversary was yesterday. But our marriage anniversary is today.

I know that this sounds elitist, weird, corny, and a bunch of other stuff that if I wasn't the one writing this, I would probably be rolling my eyes. Just hang tough. I promise I'll make my point.

Our wedding was wonderful, and I constantly want to relive it so we can spend time with all of our favorites again.

However, the work began this day. . . This is the first full day that we were an us. Since becoming an us, there are things that I am constantly amazed at by being married.

Sometimes marriage is like an old friend - someone that you're still conversing with at a dinner table, after your food has gone cold and the last of the wine has been consumed. A comfortable companion that you can share your laughs, your tears, your everything.

Sometimes marriage is like a stranger - someone you keep your distance from, constantly worrying about who this person is that shares a sink with you. A vagrant visitor that you don't recognize and worry you never will.

But this is the process. Neither of us are perfect, and I don't expect you to be perfect either. . . Although my track record can occasionally claim otherwise. . . Marriage is work and like Ben Affleck said at the Oscars [Which made me weep incredibly], its the best kind of work.

I've learned so much more about myself by being married to you. I've learned that I have things that I have pushed to the bottom of myself, that have been toxic to me, and to my relationships with others. I've learned that I am more capable of things than I ever thought possible. I've learned that I love learning. I've learned that I can actually cook.

I've learned that marriage is not a solution to being single, or the natural progression of a relationshop. Not that I thought that when I got married, but that it is so much more than anyone can hope for: In the hardest and in the best ways.

Gosh. There is such a beautiful paradox to marriage, that it is both full of simplicity and complexity.

And there is no other person I would want to explore this paradox with. Thanks for continually being more than I am, for carrying the banner of grace, and for keeping your promises from March 10, 2012 and all the days after. You carried me, loved me, and advocated for me, even when I didn't want you to.

Thank you for the first year of marriage.
Thank you for making my passions, curiosities, oddities and absurdities, your own.
Thank you for living your life in such a way that I am always proud of the man you are.
Thank you for choosing me.
And thank you for buying me a bowl of soup that December day.

I love you,
Your Not So New Wife.

Day 365.

Dear New Husband,

First, this will not be the last letter. Tomorrow is the last letter, as that's the day our marriage really began.

Second, I'm so sorry that my "Year in Review" scrapbook [Get it?! A scrapbook for our PAPER anniversary?! I'm amazed at my cleverness] wasn't finished. In my defense, I did go on an unexpected journey - so I didn't have as much time to finish it. 

I do feel bad it isn't finished. Makes me feel like I made it out of macaroni.

But this anniversary hasn't exactly gone how either of us would've planned, I think. I am jet-lagged, my present is unfinished and you are sick. 

However, when has anything ever gone as we would have liked in our marriage? This journey is definitely not anything that is the fruit of our best laid plans. We have grown, despite our plans.

I love you better today than I did one year ago.

I love you,

Your New Wife.

Day 364.

Dear New Husband,

Tomorrow is our one year anniversary.

WHAT.

A year ago, we were doing these things.

And today, I am jet lagged, doing laundry and we are going to the bakery that made our wedding cake to get a spare cake topper. Because we both know that our cake is going to taste like freezer.

Its amazing how much can change in a year/how far we have come in just a year.

Also, how weird is it to see a photo of you without a wedding ring? It's only been a year and I'm already so used to seeing that band of silver around a very important finger.

I go to bed, excited to see what the future holds - much like I did on the night of March 9, 2012.

I love you,
Your New Wife.

Day 363.

Dear New Husband,

I. am. exhausted.

24 hours of being up.
Several thousands of miles of travel.
Horrible layover in Paris.
Being questioned in the airport [Which I loved - like being a non-promiscuous, female James Bond!].
And the woman sitting next to me on one of my flights that was coughing and vomiting. . . Ah, traveling during flu season.

What is truly not to love?

At least I caught up on all the movies I have been wanting to see. And I got to see you!

I hope you know that my lack of excitement is a reflection of how tired I am; not a reflection on how I feel about you.

If you need to remember how I feel about you, please see entries from Day 362 - Day 1.

I love you,
Your New Wife that is incredibly sleepy.

Day 362.

Dear New Husband,

My last full day here consisted of networking with others, meetings and an authentic dinner.

Granted, on our way to dinner we passed a demonstration. . . Such a weird thing for me. We live in a country of free speech and I seldom get to see things like what I saw tonight.

It's good for me to see these things - a reminder that I do have the freedoms that I forget about so regularly. The main reasons I forget about them is because my general rights as a human are not being violated. I know many Americans have a lot of problems with our country [I do too] but we are way ahead of the curve than we think we are.

This trip has been full of challenges, but they are valuable challenges. These are challenges that we need to face to grow, improve and for me to learn what it is like on the other side of the world; to learn what it is actually like implementing what I have helped create. This has been so important for me, and I'm so grateful that I've gotten the chance to be here.

And I'm so grateful to come home to you.

I love you,

Your New Wife.

Day 361.

Dear New Husband,

I can't believe my time here is almost finished. It doesn't seem like it was long enough. But then again, what is enough?

I know this trip has been hard because of the lack of internet and the terrible time difference, but you have been awesomely supportive throughout this entire endeavor. Thanks for continuing to be you, even when I'm thousands of miles away.

Also, I expected you to be so forlorn and BAM! You're more busy than I am! What gives, pal?! Only social butterfly-ing it when I'm not around, eh?!

We will talk about this upon my return, mister.

I love you,
Your New Wife.

Day 360.

Dear New Husband,

Only 5 more days of this blog.

I'm starting to get a little sad about that. This blog has been such a great outlet and documentation of just how odd/fun/awesome/challenging being a newlywed can be. But the best is truly yet to come.

Thankful for another day here. Overwhelmed by what happens when you share a little bit of information you have with someone else. Sharing your knowledge with someone and allowing them to run with it, that's powerful stuff. Then, learning about things you would have never known otherwise. . . Life is better when it is shared.

I love you,
Your New Wife.

Day 359.

Dear New Husband,

A very productive day as we continue to do evaluations and meet kind, yet hurting people. I can't even grasp the edge of what these people have been through. . . It makes me even more grateful for the peace in our country.

Yes, not all the friends place nice with one another. Yes, if our country was Kindergarten, then no one is following the rules or sharing their toys or not saying anything at all if they can't say anything nice.

But, you know, I don't have to worry about whether my government is trying to persecute me. I don't have to worry about being evicted from our apartment, where my next meal is coming from or if we have enough money.

We won the lottery on nothing we merited. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the life we get to live and the simple fact that I get to share it with you.

Plus, teaching people weird words in English is incredible. You should try it sometime. You will laugh and smile for the rest of the day. Simple pleasures.

I love you,
Your New Wife.

Day 358.

Dear New Husband,

A year ago today, I was anxiously beginning our wedding week.

And today I travel to a volatile place to hear people's stories and see a whole new way of life.

So much happens in a year, and I'm thankful for this blog; its provided my sentimental heart a way to reflect on how much we change, grow, are challenged, and can be thankful for over the last year.

Thanks for being sane and supportive a year ago, and for continuing to be sane and supportive now.

I love you,
Your New Wife.

Day 357.

Dear New Husband,

Today was spent in the ancient city of Byblos.

And it was marvelous. I'm always overwhelmed to think about how long people have been living on the Earth. . . Deep thoughts, I know. But its amazing to think how people lived so many thousands of years ago.

And amazing to get some tourist shopping/sight-seeing in, all the while making new friends, laughing, and enjoying a gorgeous day.

Wish you were here to see all of this with your own two eyes.

I love you,
Your New Wife.

Day 356.

Dear New Husband,

Ah, the snail's pace that work takes on some times. It seems that things are starting to crawl by just a little bit and its hard not to get frustrated or feel that the rope is unraveling.

But what I'm really thankful for is a husband that is a problem solver, and a listener. As I continue to air frustration, you listen and come up with solutions. Granted, I'm a passionate person some times and with that great passion comes the tendency to overreact; so some times your solutions are good - but mostly I'm overreacting.

Moreover, I'm thankful for a day that ends well; despite the mess and chaos, its nice to be able to go to a mall, then come to my interim home and watch a movie. Ah. Simple pleasures.

I love you,
Your New Wife.